Hello hello...I woke up with a majorly bad attitude after a night of sugar-induced, little to no rest anxiety, so I thought maybe it'd be healthy to journal here and get it off my chest.
I'M FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF. So frustrated. BMI-wise, I'm technically healthy: not overweight, I exercise very frequently, and it seems that I have trouble moving down from 120. Which truly and honestly would be fine with me if I knew that I wasn't at 120 due to too often emotional eating binges, which happen maybe once a week, if I'm doing well emotionally. I'm guessing my weight would be at least 5 lbs--healthfully 5 lbs--lower, if it weren't for my compulsive overeating. Potentially more. And it is hard to share that, even with people who are close to you. They think that you're just being too hard on yourself, or too obsessive about your weight, because they are only looking at a superficial appearance. Or they think that you simply are not eating enough and so you then compensate with a binge--all sorts of answers that turn out not to be the truth (for me--could be for others of course).
Anyway, I have been vegan for awhile now (vegetarian sometimes on binges sadly, which is an additional source of shame since I became a vegan for ethical purposes, which is a WHOLE other journal entry), and not new to knowing about the McDougall plan (my Dad had his books while I was in high school and loved them--in fact I remember making spaghetti sauce from one of them!) but new to trying to commit to it. I used to have a counselor who told me, sometimes it's just as "simple" (though hard) as just not doing it. Not giving in to that compulsive behavior. And I certainly know all the "coping" mechanisms that people recommend, along with all the physiological drives that lead us to binge on sugar and fat.
I just have to not do it.
I WILL say though, I have no desire to not keep working to commit to the McDougall plan 100%. In the past week of doing it, I may not have lost any weight, but I have felt literally incredible. More healthy and energetic than my whole time as a vegan. And emotionally, pretty stable and happy. I know what drove me to binge last night: I was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, hungry, and lacking proper McDougall foods (I'm dog-sitting and though I tried to prep as much as possible, my two full time jobs got in the way, as did his lack of really any cooking ware, which was a surprise after hauling in a huge bag of groceries to use this week).
But today is a new day, and you know what? The effects of following this WOE, even for only a week, have helped me rebound more than I would normally have after an evening such as last nights.
Blergh. All you can do is smile, pick up an apple, and carry on