Choosing my battles

[f1jim]

You are probably going to have to ask Dr. McDougall directly. He clearly met someone with enough love, kindness, and smarts to eat this way. I can tell you this, I don't think it's right to leave someone over diet differences. I do think it's right to leave if there is no compromise in the marriage. I cannot imagine a topic that my wife and I could not find enough common ground on to feel like I had to leave. Even though we eat the same now I bet we could find a way to accommodate each others diet choices because it would be a priority for both of us. Each of us respects each other enough to find a way to make it all work. It's only when one party won't compromise at all that would make me question the nature of my marriage. I would hope I made a good enough decision 31 years ago in choosing someone with a kind enough heart and that cared for me enough to work with me on anything. I also hope she feels the same way.
f1jim

[Melinda]

I think Brad said in one of his posts that they had had many issues in their marriage that were problematic, not just this one, and had had much counciling. It didn't sound to me that it was just a food issue.

[Brad]

I think Brad said in one of his posts that they had had many issues in their marriage that were problematic, not just this one, and had had much counciling. It didn't sound to me that it was just a food issue.

Dead on. I was surprized to find the large number of posts just now. The lack of support for my diet I believe is symptomatic of other issues. To leave or not leave because of a difference in WOE can be a discussion, but it is not pertinent to me. I made the decision to stay years ago for the children and it was the "right thing" do to. I'm questioning this now though as the last of the children are leaving, but again the lack of support and encouragement, not just in cooking, is just one issue.

There was a comment about doing the cooking and I do 95% of my own cooking now as well as roughly 50% of the other cooking (and cleaning). I did about 40% prior to the change. My grilled salmon, sour cream enchiladas, steaks, chicken divan, and baked goods were legendary. I still make them for the kids when they visit or when friends/guests request. Just made my vegan chili for a staff meeting and it vanished by the bowlful...oops...I neglected to mention it was vegan....

I think the 5 major areas of conflict in marriage are money, relatives, power, sex, children. Interstingly, food is one of the 5 areas in multicultural marriages. I think we'd all agree a spouse should leave a physically abusive relationship, but what about emotionally abusive. How far down the scale of 1 to 10 would it have go be for you to leave?

I remember in premarriage class a woman saying our marriage wouldn't work because my wife was catholic and I wasn't. I actually became catholic. Now the whole guilt thing gets thrown in!

[afreespirit]

Divorces are made in heaven, marriages are made in hell. Good luck Brad.

[HealthyMe2010]

I think we'd all agree a spouse should leave a physically abusive relationship, but what about emotionally abusive. How far down the scale of 1 to 10 would it have go be for you to leave?

There should be NO abuse, period. If someone thinks that they need to withstand a certain amount of abuse in their relationship, they need to stop living in a "teenage TV show" life.

Why live any degree of abuse when someone else out there would treat you like prescious gems?

I've seen separation and divorce turn abused, miserable people, into liberated, happy people.

I hope you can figure things out.

[Melinda]

I think the question one should ask is "would my life be better off or worse off without this person?" I left my first husband in my late 20's. I kept looking down the road, and all I could see was that if I stayed I would regret it in later years, that I hadn't had the courage to leave, and find happiness by myself or with someone else. As it turned out, we eventually became good friends due to our shared time together. And I met the love of my life 4 years later, and have been with him ever since. I'm now 57. Co workers later commented on how it seemed as if I was growing old before my time, and that I became so much younger and happier after leaving.

[jld]

Well, here is my own worth-what-you-paid-for-it advice : just be as loving as you can to her. Listen to her, really seek to understand and please her, and ask her forgiveness when you don't. Be humble with her. Serve her. Truly be as kind to her as you possibly can. Just overwhelm her with love. Try this for a month and see if you get a positive response.

Okay, I'm out of the marriage counselor business. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, Brad.