Disagreement with DH over feeding our little one

[kb]

I follow a McDougall diet and my husband does not. His diet has greatly improved since I adopted this way of eating. He no longer eats dairy and has meat about 3x/week, which he prepares. Our 15 mo old daughter has only had breast milk and plant foods since birth. She is thriving!
My DH wants to start adding some meat to her diet beginning with turkey on Thanksgiving. I would prefer not to give her any meat at all, but I know that I cannot totally control her diet.
We have also had a disagreement over giving our daughter supplements. Her pediatrician wants us to give her Vitamin D and iron supplements because "her diet is lacking iron and everyone should take Vitamin D." My DH agrees with the Dr. and said he may have to "sneak" them to our daughter because he knows I won't give them to her.
How do you handle disagreements with your spouse over feeding your kids?

[serenity]

There are plenty of studies that supplements are not without risk. There are several newsletter articles, with references, on the topic - often focused on the supplement "du jour", but the lessons are more generally applicable to all supplements. Have you shared these with your husband?

Both Vitamin D and iron levels are easy to test. Your doctor isn't basing the recommendation on the results of a deficiency, but rather on a knee jerk recommendation based on what "everyone knows." Would your husband consider a more scientific and rational approach and agree to testing to determine if isolated, pharmaceutical grade vitamins are even needed?

[David Lux]

On the vit D issue, I would like to mention that the McD diet does not provide any vit D, or so little. Therefore, Dr McD recommends plenty of sun exposure, to allow the skin to synthetize the necessary vit D. That may or may not be feasible, depending on where you live (Los Angeles vs Boston).
We are following the McD diet and are chonically vit D deficient, and we correct by using supplements. I aggree that supplements are probably not best, but deficiency is even worse, and we don't see much alternative, as the sun is virtually absent in the winter over here.
As was said, simple blood test can easily show if there's a deficiency.

Supplementing with iron looks to me as completely useless (the McD diet provides plenty of iron) and even dangerous (too much iron is linked to cancer).

Perhaps a B12 supplement would be advisable as well. Although, if you still breastfeed, your milk contains B12, provided you supplement, of course.

[kb]

We live in San Diego, CA so sun exposure is not an issue. My DD goes to the park often in the middle of the day. Your suggestion to get blood work done is a good one. I will suggest that the next time DH or the Dr. brings up the supplements again.
I take a B12 supplement and breastfeed DD at 3-4 times/day, so I don't think that's an issue.

[circle city vegan]

My husband eats meat still and wants it at the table from time to time. I explained that 10% animal products was a safe number and that amounted from my calculations to eating meat at dinner twice a week. I said that I would continue to make meat for him if he would please use my "don't offer, don't refuse" technique when it came to giving the kiddos meat. So basically he's supposed to wait until the kid asks for the chicken before he puts it on their plate for them. It's not the most ideal situation, but I find that the younger my kids are, the more they don't like meat anyway.

During that same discussion I also expressed my view that even though meat is unhealthy and not necessary, dairy is positively awful and that I would not make dairy for the family. He agreed that he wouldn't complain about dairy-free dinners. We already don't drink any dairy milk and haven't for about 4 years or so.

I try really hard not to work myself up (and fight with my husband) by keeping in mind that even if our kids are mostly eating vegan with some meat thrown in, they are well ahead of the rest of the SAD eating children today. My kids eat all plant based breakfast and lunch that I pack for them fresh every morning to take with them to school. They readily eat a wide variety of fruits and vegetables that most kids today won't touch. So dinner is the one meal that they sometimes have meat. It's a compromise I can live with.