I'm 41, 300-315 pounds, type 2 diabetic and...

[Bobert]

I'm 41, 300-315 pounds, type 2 diabetic and have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, very high triglycerides, hypothyroidism, and of course gerd. I've been dieting off an on since I was a senior in high school when I weighed 220 pounds. 5 years ago I weighed 360. Last year I was 330 and started a low carb diet (again) and got down to 295. 3 months is as long as I can take that type of diet. I've tried LOTS of diets... all ending in failure, gorging, self-loathing. I always blame myself for not having the willpower to just eat right and exercise.

I was watching the Forks over Knives Extended Interviews on Netflix in February. All of the interviews opened my eyes. Dr McDougall's interview really energized me and gave me hope. I googled him and started on the diet. I've been struggling ever since to stick with it. I was able to stick with it for 3 weeks straight at first and I felt amazing! I knew it was the truth because it was working! I lost 5 pounds too. The food is great. I love the taste. I can only describe it as alive... I feel alive when I eat this way. I taste the food more, it tastes REAL. I paid attention to my full feelings and was suprised to realize that I could tell I was full. My stomach actually felt full and tells me, 'ok, we're good, you can stop eating now.' And if I felt hungry I would just eat some more, no biggie.

But that same ole diet mentality keeps coming up. I start obsessing about food, fast food, chips, and anything I can slather tons of butter on to. I would 'cheat' a few days then get back on it a few days. Until about 3 weeks ago when I stopped the McDougall plan altogether - eating alls kinds of junk food. I've probably gained 10 pounds or more... I'm too scared to even step on the scale. I can still tell when I'm full and my body is saying to me, "you can stop eating, you are FULL!"... but I keep eating and thinking about and obsessing about and desiring all the foods that I KNOW are killing me.

I'm baffled by my lack of strength and my ability to look truth right in the face and deny it. I know it's bad for me, I know I won't live much longer if I continue this way, I NOW know exactly what to do to feel better, get trim, and live a healthy life full of energy and life. I WANT to be healthy and feel good! But I keep sabotaging MYSELF!

For the last few days I've been a half McDougaller - Starch based with vegetables and fruit for my breakfast, lunch, and a snack or 2. Then in the evening I gorge on unhealthy, fatty, greasy, sugar-soaked foods until I'm stuffed. I have the intention of being a full time McDougaller, but break down by 4pm or so.

Given all of this, I'm thinking this a psychological and/or addiction problem and not just a physical one - although it's affecting me physically, of course - since 'it's the food!'

I'm trying very hard and I never post on forums or reach out like this. This is a huge step for me just posting this. Have any of you dealt with or experienced this type of behavior before? Any suggestions? Books? Advice?

[NCFishboy]

One thing that really helped me was to "clean out my kitchen". I started by throwing away or giving away any and all foods that were not on plan. Then I forced myself to not eat out, and it was actually easier than I thought. Every time I walked out of the house I carried with me two snacks and two meals. It seemed funny to some to carry around a cooler in my car and into work but thats how I went about it. I will eat the quickest easiest thing when I get hungry and by having healthy food around me at all times thats what I would choose. Cooking big batches of food to have in the fridge and a couple in the freezer I never had the excuse that I was too tired to cook or I need something now because all I had to do was plop it in the microwave for a couple of minutes. Another thing is to focus on the positives every day and not the negatives. It takes a while to make new habbits but once you do this way of eating will become easy. Good luck and I know you can do it and there are plenty of people here to help.

[petero]

Given all of this, I'm thinking this a psychological and/or addiction problem and not just a physical one - although it's affecting me physically, of course - since 'it's the food!'

I'm trying very hard and I never post on forums or reach out like this. This is a huge step for me just posting this. Have any of you dealt with or experienced this type of behavior before? Any suggestions? Books? Advice?

For books, there is The Pleasure Trap by Doug Lisle but there are videos of his talks on YouTube IIRC. There is definitely a psychological component. Your body prefers to eat food that's unnaturally high in calories, but didn't evolve to measure the energy content of such food accurately, or deal with its presence in the food supply. Hence, maintaining this WOE seems to be about replacing cravings for bad foods with cravings for good ones, and "resetting" your taste buds to the pleasure of eating real food, rather than unnaturally sweet, salty, and fatty food engineered specifically for its addictive properties. That's the gist of it. Anyway...

Besides what NCFishboy said, you could try to binge on approved food (only or first). There's no portion control anyway. Tell yourself that you can eat whatever you want, even off-plan food, as long as you eat a plateful or bowlful of approved food first. Make it hearty like beans and salsa or something. Convenient zero-prep foods for me are canned beans, vegetables, and tomatoes, and dry mashed potato flakes. There's frozen steam-in-bag rice and veggies too. That might help to eventually displace the bad stuff, and will be better for your health anyway. Try to swindle yourself into it.

But yeah, I've done stuff like that. Break down and buy tons of cheese or full-fat hummus at the grocery store, or order a pizza (with or without cheese), or take the tasty way out and order oily vegan food at a Middle Eastern restaurant, instead of hanging tough with the side salad and lemon wedge. (Like last week. Whoops. )

When I got back on the wagon this year I did it in stages. First I held myself to veganism, then regular McDougall, now MWL. All of this with some amount of cheating, though I try to never ever cheat more than one level up. I still eat bread and pretzels once in while, like when traveling last week. The occasional pumpkin seed sneaks into my mouth. It gets easier with time. YMMV, but for me the cheating is greatest at the beginning but diminishes as I keep going, regardless of momentary setbacks. I agree with the general consensus around here that there is no point beating oneself up about falling off the wagon; the point is to just make a reasonable effort to get back on.

[pinkrose]

Given all of this, I'm thinking this a psychological and/or addiction problem and not just a physical one - although it's affecting me physically, of course - since 'it's the food!'

I'm trying very hard and I never post on forums or reach out like this. This is a huge step for me just posting this. Have any of you dealt with or experienced this type of behavior before? Any suggestions? Books? Advice?

Welcome aboard, Bobert! I think that many of us here have dealt with theses same struggles. It is a matter of degree. I would love to tell you that you can get all of the education and support you will need here but I do not know if that is true. However, I hope you will follow the program and move forward.

I suggest that you work on filling your life with other good things--things that are not related to eating and drinking--and try to find a comfortable balance. Maybe you will need professional help to do that.

You can see my story here: viewtopic.php?f=1&t=26307

Please keep us posted on your progress!

Please do this for yourself and those you love!

[frozenveg]

Ho Bobert, welcome! Here's the link to Dr. Lisle's "The Pleasure Trap" talk. It really opened my eyes, even though once you realize it, you think--DUH!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxf4kj8Rb6Y

And I think many of us go through the desire, the drive, to gorge, so you are not alone. Even now, after losing 95 pounds and being on this way of eating for over 4 years, I still once in a while get a mad desire to dive into a bowl of ice cream, or have a juicy, dripping cheeseburger or a vat of potato chips! But it's really all in my head--my body isn't asking for that, it's my memories! And a lot of time, it's either boredom or frustration. When I am frustrated at work or at home, I know I want to gnash my teeth around a bunch of crunchy stuff--and that gets calorie-dense and dangerous for me very quickly! That happens, unfortunately, more than "once in a while"--its almost nightly lately. And it is typical for it to hit in the late afternoon to early evening. It's not really hunger, and you know that, I think. If you feel that it may be hunger, make a point of eating more McDougall-plan foods earlier in the day.

When I find myself wanting to absolutely stuff myself, I am like a second person, staring at the "me" that is eating beyond fullness into some uncomfortable state! I read an article recently that pointed out that behavior like that is a habit--and habits can be studied, analyzed, and, after the analysis, changed. So I have started to try to observe the drivers of my desire to stuff myself, look for the trigger, and make a plan to change my response to the trigger. I have tried to either distract myself with something else to do, or when all else fails, I go to bed. That worked some of the time, but the article suggested that a person could decide on a response to the trigger that is an alternate reward, rather than simply a distraction. I'm still working on a variety of responses that work for me and my situation. I don't have any great answers yet, but I think for me it will always be something I need to deal with!

[Bobert]

Thank you all for the responses. I'm so glad I posted this. I've made it 2 days now just eating plan food. Just posting this helped me the first day. Just the fact that so many of you responded with kindness and support got me through the second day (and many days to come I suspect). And putting these suggestions to use will help me from here forward.

One thing I'm going to try to do is do what petero suggested and not beat myself up, just get back on the horse. It will help if I'm more positive about things. Instead of thinking I cheated one third of a day, I need to remember that I accomplished something great by eating right 2 thirds of the day. Also, I have made huge strides in my caffeine use (plus all those other harmful ingredients in a diet coke). A few months ago I was drinking 2 to 4 cans of diet coke a day. Now I don't drink any and feel fine with it.

I'm going to list each responder's username along with snippets of their suggestions and comments that I believe will really help me. I'm doing this as a reference for myself so I have one place where all these gems are accessible for quick reference and inspiration.... also as a thank you for your support and wisdom.

NCFishboy
clean out my kitchen
Cooking big batches of food to have on hand
Every time I walked out of the house I carried with me two snacks and two meals
I know you can do it and there are plenty of people here to help.

petero
The Pleasure Trap by Doug Lisle but there are videos of his talks on YouTube IIRC
I did it in stages
try to binge on approved food (only or first)
I keep going, regardless of momentary setbacks
there is no point beating oneself up about falling off the wagon; the point is to just make a reasonable effort to get back on.

pinkrose
I think that many of us here have dealt with theses same struggles
filling your life with other good things
Maybe you will need professional help to do that
Please do this for yourself and those you love!

frozenveg
Here's the link to Dr. Lisle's "The Pleasure Trap" talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxf4kj8Rb6Y
all in my head--my body isn't asking for that, it's my memories! And a lot of time, it's either boredom or frustration
observe the drivers of my desire to stuff myself, look for the trigger, and make a plan to change my response to the trigger
a person could decide on a response to the trigger that is an alternate reward

LynnCS
you're in the right place and doing the right things
Journal Forum / follow peoples journey
starting one might help
you're not alone.

f1jim
Hang in there, give it your best, and watch the results.
it probably seems all uphill and an almost impossible journey but it won't be long before you start to see and feel the differences a healthy diet will have on you.
as these issues fade into the past your awareness of how much they dominate your life will become apparent.

Dougalling
bombard yourself with new images of great comfort foods.
Immerse yourself into reading everything there is about whole foods plant based
it takes a while to change habit
it gets easier with time. There comes a day when you realize that meat/dairy/oil/eggs are junk food.

brittasmom
Do I want all those foods you are binging on sure, But I want my leg more ,I don't want to go blind , I don't want to shop from a motorized cart.
If you don't do this for yourself do it for the people who love you and will have the burden of taking care of you as your disease progresses.
Stay MINDFUL The food you are killing yourself with NOBODY should eat
I would suspect you are a bit fatigued at that time. You might need a nap
the chance you have to use these years to get healthy and avoid the ravages of this disease.

Kathleenr
One day at a time!
Even if you follow the program for part of the day you are still making progress!

[f1jim]

Bobert you are the perfect "before" in the narrative of what this program can accomplish with your health goals. As with most anything it probably seems all uphill and an almost impossible journey but it won't be long before you start to see and feel the differences a healthy diet will have on you.
For many reasons it seems the people with the laundry list of health concerns seem to do the best on this program. Talking with many people that have been long time McDougallers, most of them seem to have had almost every concievable issue when starting. It may not be much motivation now but as these issues fade into the past your awareness of how much they dominate your life will become apparent.
At 41 you have a full decade on the age I got smart and started addressing my health. I only wish I had started at 41. Hang in there, give it your best, and watch the results.
f1jim

[Dougalling]

Hello

You need to bombard yourself with new images of great comfort foods.

Check out pinterest. Search 'Dr McDougall' or 'whole foods plant based' Hundreds of photos of food that look delectable and that you can enjoy.

Immerse yourself into reading everything there is about whole foods plant based.

Watch videos about whole foods plant based.

Visit all the whole foods plant based sites. They re-inforce what Dr McDougall says and always come back to Dr McDougall's site. It's the best IMHO.

Realize, that it takes a while to change habits. Just stick to whole foods plant based. Eventually, it does become normal. Eventually you have read enough and seen enough to know that this is the only way you'll ever eat. You'll have so much information about how awful that food you used to eat and how awful all that advertising you see daily is and how awful animals are treated.

Stick to whole foods plant based, I promise, it gets easier with time. There comes a day when you realize that meat/dairy/oil/eggs are junk food.

There comes a day when you have a set of recipes that are just right for you and you so enjoy those recipes.

Whole foods plant based. I wish I had known about it years earlier.

[brittasmom]

Bobert, I must say I am very jealous of you. I also am a 300 lb type two diabetic but I am 63 yrs old. I have been diabetic for 35 yrs and could never follow the "diabetic diet". Since finding the "plant based diet " community I have been able to do this diet with very little effort .Since starting Feb 10 I have lost 20 lbs and had many dramatic changes to my health. Do I want all those foods you are binging on sure, But I want my leg more ,I don't want to go blind , I don't want to shop from a motorized cart. I have sustained eye damage ,I can no longer drive. My right leg had an ulcer and has been painful for 10 yrs. with many infections. Since being on this diet my eyes have improved ,the ulcer on my leg has healed, I no longer am worrying about amputation. All my numbers have dramatically improved and I can now shop til I drop on my own 2 legs. All this in this short amount of time. I wish I had your 22 yrs. Had I discovered this then I would not have sustained this damage. It is now my mission to let as many people, especially diabetics ,know about this lifestyle. I have family members who have seen the dramatic difference in me and are now interested in following the plan. If you don't do this for yourself do it for the people who love you and will have the burden of taking care of you as your disease progresses. I was becoming more and more dependent on my younger sister . She has to drive me around and not being able to drive is so confining. I am not perfect in following the plan but I am pretty close and getting better as I learn more. Those of us with eating issues have a way of turning off our brain when we are faced with "bad" food. Stay MINDFUL The food you are killing yourself with NOBODY should eat. Now when I am faced with that choice I ask myself "What will be the cost if I eat this?". An eyebleed,an infection in my leg, my sister having to sit with me at the hospital???
There is much support here but you must find your own way. My one tip . You said you are good all day but 4:00 on is hard. I would suspect you are a bit fatigued at that time. You might need a nap. I find my most vulnerable time is if I get tired and I have no "plan" food available. As I said I am so jealous of the chance you have to use these years to get healthy and avoid the ravages of this disease. My life would have been so different If I had known then what I know now. Good Luck to you.

[Faith514]

Your honesty is so refreshing! One day at a time! Even if you follow the program for part of the day you are still making progress! I look forward to reading your updates!

[Bobert]

Thank you all for your suggestions and words of support. I've been able to stay on the McDougall plan 100% since May 19th. 11 Days! I feel so much better. It's still a struggle, but I have a more positive attitude to deal with it.

Last weekend was so strange in a very good way. From Saturday morning through Monday evening I did NOT stop doing things. I was mowing the yard at 6:30 a.m., pruning trees, planting trees, doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the house, cleaning the car, pulling weeds, walking the dog... things I always put off and dread doing. I just did them. I've never had that much energy in my life! Not even during the 3 weeks I was on the McDougall plan a few months ago. I've leveled off and am not as energetic as that, but I still feel very good. After seeing me last weekend, my wife is now looking in to the starch based diet. Before, she just thought it was the next diet-fad I was going through - following some crazy guy with a lose weight quick scam. But she's noticed an attitude change and my increased energy levels. She says she remembers that I felt really good those 3 weeks I did it before, but I don't remember feeling THIS good.

I've had about 2 times now where I wanted to just binge on food and I couldn't resist. So I did. I binged on approved foods. Air-popped popcorn, potatoes, tomatoes, garbanzo beans, whole grain wheat toast, salad, etc. I've still lost 6 pounds since the 19th. And my blood pressure and blood sugar are down. I guess it's a lot easier to see big results when you're so overweight and sick to start with Hopefully, over time, with more of the good food in my system and as my tastes and health changes - I will be able to deal even better with those urges to eat a lot.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you guys and give a quick update.

p.s. Potatoes are awesome

[f1jim]

Glad things are working out for you. So much of making this work out is a state of mind. If you are really focused that this will be difficult it will be. If you are convinced it will be a walk in the park it will be.
That doesn't meant there will not be temptations and moments of weakness. Addictive food will always be addictive food!
But ones frame of mind has a lot to do with how much of a struggle this is.
They always say that top athletes can focus on the task at hand and do it without overthinking it. This program works much the same way. Many times we are our own biggest obstacle to making this a workable lifestyle. The key, many times, is figuring out how to keep ourselves out of our own way.
Keep your shelves filled with only the good stuff, keep them at hand any time the hunger and cravings are likely to start, and plan well your upcoming meals. That doesn't mean they have to be elaborate, just that you are ready to address them ahead of time.
I was shocked how easily I made the transition after consuming the admitted worlds worst diet for many decades. If this program can work for someone that had severely damaged himself for that long it can work for anyone. I still can't get over how simple this program is. Not always easy, but simple.
Please continue to keep us abreast of your progress.
f1jim

[pinkrose]

Thank you all for your suggestions and words of support. I've been able to stay on the McDougall plan 100% since May 19th. 11 Days! I feel so much better. It's still a struggle, but I have a more positive attitude to deal with it.

Last weekend was so strange in a very good way. From Saturday morning through Monday evening I did NOT stop doing things. I was mowing the yard at 6:30 a.m., pruning trees, planting trees, doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the house, cleaning the car, pulling weeds, walking the dog... things I always put off and dread doing. I just did them. I've never had that much energy in my life! Not even during the 3 weeks I was on the McDougall plan a few months ago. I've leveled off and am not as energetic as that, but I still feel very good. After seeing me last weekend, my wife is now looking in to the starch based diet. Before, she just thought it was the next diet-fad I was going through - following some crazy guy with a lose weight quick scam. But she's noticed an attitude change and my increased energy levels. She says she remembers that I felt really good those 3 weeks I did it before, but I don't remember feeling THIS good.

I've had about 2 times now where I wanted to just binge on food and I couldn't resist. So I did. I binged on approved foods. Air-popped popcorn, potatoes, tomatoes, garbanzo beans, whole grain wheat toast, salad, etc. I've still lost 6 pounds since the 19th. And my blood pressure and blood sugar are down. I guess it's a lot easier to see big results when you're so overweight and sick to start with Hopefully, over time, with more of the good food in my system and as my tastes and health changes - I will be able to deal even better with those urges to eat a lot.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you guys and give a quick update.

p.s. Potatoes are awesome

Wonderful, Bobert!

I am glad you are moving, enjoying you spuds and seeing good results!

Please continue to keep us posted!

[Faith514]

Thanks for the update. I'm so happy you are making progress. So many of us can relate to your struggle. I take it one hour at a time. Also, I try to eat something every two to three hours. My trouble can begin if I get too hungry. It's funny that so many of us find the afternoon/evening the difficult time. The suggestion of taking a nap is great. I think just changing up the afternoon/evening routine is helpful. We're so programmed to eat, eat, eat...but it doesn't have to be this way. Keep your updates coming! They are helping many!

[Elisegirl]

Have you ever considered OA overeaters anonymous. You can work the steps with your vegan food plan. If you would like to discuss, leave a message here. I have many friends who have mastered their food cravings through OA and food plan. Great job on your success:)