Moderators: JeffN, f1jim, carolve, Heather McDougall
That feels like an important realization to me. Paraphrasing something I read recently (exactly where escapes me), "think of failure as an experiment, not a verdict." Having a solid plan for the holiday puts you in a great position. Enjoy the time with your loved ones!Gimmelean wrote:I will always have lapses and have finally let go of striving for perfection and know that when I do gain it’s within my control to manage it without anxiety, guilt, or shame. Like all of us, those feelings will come back for sure without warning but I’m in a good place to deal with them here.
In regard to ways of reporting adherence, I would encourage you to take some time and think about what might best motivate you, and when you have felt most motivated in the past. Remember that the goal is improving ADHERENCE with time, so think about what information, in what form, would best help you to do that. Personally, I like a binary YES or NO, but I tend to be pretty black & white about things, and for some people that might be more discouraging than encouraging. You likely know yourself best. Keep in mind, too, that our goal isn't some sort of "passing grade," but rather supporting and maintaining ADHERENCE over a progression of time. Does that make sense to you?JeffN wrote:Don’t drink your calories
In the past, this was something I really struggled with, as do many participants I would imagine. It seems to me that this feeling of self-recrimination goes hand in hand with the common societal view that weight loss is about "self-control," "moderation" and "limitation" (perhaps even "deprivation"). What changed things for me was a true realization that my success or failure within the context of a given circumstance was not a product of my self-worth, but rather a result of a meeting between my practice/routine, my environment, and the situation. Our goal is to attain and sustain adherence to the recommended pattern of behavior over time. Our prevailing pattern of behavior is the key determinant of our results. If we have a "failure point" and our pattern of behavior deviates from what is recommended, it says nothing about our worth (and doesn't, in and of itself, necessarily say anything about our health, either). What it does tell us, is we need to make some changes or adjustments to our practice - our routine needs to be modified, or our environment needs to be altered, or both. With those changes made, we move forward in a fortified position, and with each "failure point" and adjustment our practice becomes more effective and more resilient. We also build confidence. What is important, then, about a "slip" is LEARNING from it, so that we adjust our environment and routine to support our future success. This is an iterative process over the long haul, and, when applied consistently, it leads to lasting success. I can honestly say that I don't actually have any "slips" anymore, because I've been practicing this way of eating for a long time, optimizing my routine, and it is durable and well-tested. But, that didn't happen overnight, and it took a substantial period of focus and effort. I think this earlier post I wrote also speaks to this question, and may speak to you.Health 1st wrote:Mark, wildgoose, others, how do you mentally deal with possible having non-MWL things + yet getting right back on track + not letting the accidental or purposely done slip bother you that you put something so unhealthy in your body
Mark Cooper wrote:I think people tend to underestimate how much that toxic food environment is stacked against all of us. The convenience stores, groceries and restaurants are replete with calorie rich, ultra-processed, unhealthy "foods," supported by an unceasing (and increasingly targeted) advertising machine. Untold dollars and resources are expended devising and presenting more and more insidious "food traps" to ensnare us. No wonder it's a struggle! The problem isn't you! As Dr. McDougall would say, "It's the food!" Taking all that into account, it seems essential that we stack the deck in our favor. The people who are able to successfully practice this WOE long-term, the people who make adherence "look easy" have actually invested enormous amounts of time and effort to shift the balance to be as much in their favor as possible. They have a plan for how to succeed, tested by trial and error, time and effort. To paraphrase Jeff, "things may not always turn out the way we planned, but we increase our odds of success by planning to succeed." If we take it as a given that we can't be successful, or don't try, we are planning to fail. This lifestyle only starts to feel "easy" after all that work has been put into making it so. Don't fault yourself when this is hard, but don't fool yourself into thinking it will ever get easy without putting in A GREAT DEAL of work.
JeffN wrote:Following is one of my favorite food quotes of all time, and it comes from the book The Life We Are Given by George Leonard and Michael Murphy. I think it has a powerful message that is appropriate for this time of the year.
“Finally, how we eat, just as is the case with how we exercise, stands as a fundamental expression of our embodiment and is thus important to our practice, not merely for the benefits it might bring but for its own sake. To eat with full awareness turns us toward a diet that is both good and good for us. It rejoins us with the matrix of our existence and can inspire us with thanksgiving for the everyday wonder of food, the everlasting miracle of the life we are given.”
Mark Cooper wrote:Health 1st - You missed the window for reporting this week, but I wanted to respond to your specific question, as it feels like a pretty important one. With luck, wildgoose will also reply, as I'm sure she has an insightful perspective on this topic.In the past, this was something I really struggled with, as do many participants I would imagine. It seems to me that this feeling of self-recrimination goes hand in hand with the common societal view that weight loss is about "self-control," "moderation" and "limitation" (perhaps even "deprivation"). What changed things for me was a true realization that my success or failure within the context of a given circumstance was not a product of my self-worth, but rather a result of a meeting between my practice/routine, my environment, and the situation. Our goal is to attain and sustain adherence to the recommended pattern of behavior over time. Our prevailing pattern of behavior is the key determinant of our results. If we have a "failure point" and our pattern of behavior deviates from what is recommended, it says nothing about our worth (and doesn't, in and of itself, necessarily say anything about our health, either). What it does tell us, is we need to make some changes or adjustments to our practice - our routine needs to be modified, or our environment needs to be altered, or both. With those changes made, we move forward in a fortified position, and with each "failure point" and adjustment our practice becomes more effective and more resilient. We also build confidence. What is important, then, about a "slip" is LEARNING from it, so that we adjust our environment and routine to support our future success. This is an iterative process over the long haul, and, when applied consistently, it leads to lasting success. I can honestly say that I don't actually have any "slips" anymore, because I've been practicing this way of eating for a long time, optimizing my routine, and it is durable and well-tested. But, that didn't happen overnight, and it took a substantial period of focus and effort. I think this earlier post I wrote also speaks to this question, and may speak to you.Health 1st wrote:Mark, wildgoose, others, how do you mentally deal with possible having non-MWL things + yet getting right back on track + not letting the accidental or purposely done slip bother you that you put something so unhealthy in your bodyMark Cooper wrote:I think people tend to underestimate how much that toxic food environment is stacked against all of us. The convenience stores, groceries and restaurants are replete with calorie rich, ultra-processed, unhealthy "foods," supported by an unceasing (and increasingly targeted) advertising machine. Untold dollars and resources are expended devising and presenting more and more insidious "food traps" to ensnare us. No wonder it's a struggle! The problem isn't you! As Dr. McDougall would say, "It's the food!" Taking all that into account, it seems essential that we stack the deck in our favor. The people who are able to successfully practice this WOE long-term, the people who make adherence "look easy" have actually invested enormous amounts of time and effort to shift the balance to be as much in their favor as possible. They have a plan for how to succeed, tested by trial and error, time and effort. To paraphrase Jeff, "things may not always turn out the way we planned, but we increase our odds of success by planning to succeed." If we take it as a given that we can't be successful, or don't try, we are planning to fail. This lifestyle only starts to feel "easy" after all that work has been put into making it so. Don't fault yourself when this is hard, but don't fool yourself into thinking it will ever get easy without putting in A GREAT DEAL of work.
VegSeekingFit wrote:Hi HealthFirst!!
Mark (as always!!!) provides ridiculously great advice.
Wanted to ask you -- it seems like you are more than burning the candle at both ends... Living on fumes... Sleep is important!! I have been (maybe in some similar way) where you are with running on fumes --- and wonder if you are able to do anything to help this situation???
*** If it is work, they don't expect you to work 20 hours / day. You may be able to factually discuss impact of XXX on you (personally) and ask for help to alleviate it (maybe come with some ideas, like more people or different due dates).
*** If it is personal, you may be able to find other resources to help step up. I experienced big time sleeping on fumes when my mom was dying. (only child)... I found some hospice resources that helped (not perfect, but 1000X appreciated).
Easier to look back - for sure... I even have thought "what to do differently"...
Also, I think that Mark has talked about eating the recommended foods (because you have to eat anyway, right?)... Are you checking out Jeff's SNAP meals?? Could probably make them in 20 minutes and put in fridge.
Wishing you the best.
Best,
Stephanie
Health 1st wrote:VegSeekingFit wrote:Hi HealthFirst!!
Mark (as always!!!) provides ridiculously great advice.
Wanted to ask you -- it seems like you are more than burning the candle at both ends... Living on fumes... Sleep is important!! I have been (maybe in some similar way) where you are with running on fumes --- and wonder if you are able to do anything to help this situation???
*** If it is work, they don't expect you to work 20 hours / day. You may be able to factually discuss impact of XXX on you (personally) and ask for help to alleviate it (maybe come with some ideas, like more people or different due dates).
*** If it is personal, you may be able to find other resources to help step up. I experienced big time sleeping on fumes when my mom was dying. (only child)... I found some hospice resources that helped (not perfect, but 1000X appreciated).
Easier to look back - for sure... I even have thought "what to do differently"...
Also, I think that Mark has talked about eating the recommended foods (because you have to eat anyway, right?)... Are you checking out Jeff's SNAP meals?? Could probably make them in 20 minutes and put in fridge.
Wishing you the best.
Best,
Stephanie
Stephanie,
Thank you so much for reaching out with your thoughtful post; I really appreciate it! I apologize for my delay in replying, though I have a strong hunch that you understand.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother (however long ago it may have been) and your also experiencing running on fumes.
Yes, it's a combination of work + personal for me. And then if anything slightly extra is added (like helping out my closest friend + her family, or it taking an hour to clean up split pea soup that I spilled the other night [got everywhere--at least I didn't get burned! ]), then things really get crazy + my sleep goes out the window all the more.
Thankfully, my friend + her family are doing better: 1) great for them!!!, + 2) so much less focus + help is needed there!
Deadlines with work are further down the road--so still busy, but a bit less pressure.
Personal is good. I mean, I am blessed that things are going so well right now. I am the sole caregiver of my dad. Things for the most part have been stable for him, + that is a huge blessing + brings a greater peace of mind.
I have to re-visit Jeff's SNAP meals; thank you!
In general, life is getting easier in terms of time constraints. Of course with the Holidays + several things that need to be done by year's end, it'll still be pretty hectic, but I'm trying to figure out how to get back in the MWL groove, more sleep, + this whole idea of being okay with not always being 100% perfect with my eating 100% of the time, + yet not letting it derail me (my question Mark addressed...but other responses are welcome --hint, hint ...yes, whomever may read this).
Thank you again, Stephanie, and may you have a really good Thanksgiving!!
P.S. I hope it never comes across that I am complaining about or elevating my circumstances above any one else's. I've only shared about the horrible lack of sleep as facts, not excuses or to be felt sorry for...horrible English, I know!
Chatonne93 wrote:Hello ! My name is Irina. I have completed my orientation, and would like to join the Group ! Thank you
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